01 May 2009

'I've got a theory, it could be bunnies...'

Yesterday I had to be diplomatic, a lot. It was for the community [The Community] so I couldn't escape it, but it was exhausting, especially with a sty. Like an idiot, like a bleeding idiot, I'd gone to the chemist's and asked for drops and told her what I wanted but forgot to check what she actually gave me. See, styes are usually caused by Staphylococcus aureus, which is a bacteria, which equals infection, whish equals no use of corticosteroids whatsoever, which of course means I had been dousing my eye with dexamethasone all day. IDIOT. Eye obediently threw a cortico-induced fit, and it made thing so very worse. It wasn't painful per se but the discomfort of having an entire lower lid swollen and dragging down is surprisingly great. I rang my Dr. friend amidst a lot of self-cursing, then we both cursed the chemist soundly - you would not believe the rubbish that chemists see fit to give out to people here, Oh, a cough, here, have some broad spectrum antibiotics, it's frightening - IDIOT. - and she prescribed me not only drops but systemic antibiotics as well. And then we both stopped and marvelled when I told her how I had been advised by an acquaintance to put some raw turkey meat in my eye. Raw turkey meat. In my eye. Indeed, why have a one-bacteria infection when you could have so many more? Humans are resilient little things, what sort of git uses decomposing poultry - and if it's raw it's decomposing, no matter how slowly - as a treatment for infection? I cannot begin to fathom it but what puzzles me the most is, why turkey, specifically? Why is chicken or, say, lamb, not curative enough? The bloody hell?

Then I had to go and be diplomatic some more, at the Israeli embassy reception for the 61 anniversary of the state of Israel. There's an Israeli bloke that I know by sight from such events and mind, it was just like being back baaretz. Every time falafel was served and I tried to reach the small plates (4 falafel each) I was thwarted by Israeli Bloke who was beautifully positioned and snatched them all, every single time. A pita by any other name unless filled to the brim is unedible, it would seem. It reminded me, again, how my love for Israelis often happens despite Israelis, good God, man, it's a reception, not a trough for one! The third time it happened I actually turned to him and told him in Hebrew he had eaten my falafel, again, but he was so busy having a Total Israeli Experience that he didn't even hear me. I wanted to smack him or, at the very least, stand on his foot. I was wearing my furry boots, which I'd just re-discovered in my closet (I am the shoe-obsessed twit who actually forgets the fabulous shoes she owns), much to my glee, and with those heels it would have been painful. But it would not have done much for public relations eithers, and I thought of the community [The Community], saint-like, and let out my breath slowly, sadly not charring him. And I tried. I eventually ate a falafel but only after cake had been served. Guess why, guess who was frolicking with the cake. By the time I came back I was knackered beyond belief, fabulous boots are half a size too small but they are so fabulous and were so cheap I had to have them, so now I suffer, and my eye was bothering me a lot. I went to bed hopeful because I was being properly medicated after all and magic happens during the night. During the night I woke up a lot, every time I turned the pain would lightly poke me awake and even half-asleep I realised if magic had happened it was of the Dark sort. When I got up my eyelid was even more swollen and red and there was real pain so I everted it and lo, I have a pocket of pus on the inside. It's like a Whose Line song, that old classic 'Pus In My Eyelid'. Off to Casualty I go now because I'm not bothered by pus really, I actually look forward to cleaning abscesses and the likes but Pus In My Eyelid is a tad too onimous to ignore. I like my eyes and use them to to write my thesis, and speaking of which,

I am finally enjoying working on it, I have started writing text, a miracle in itself because, as much as I find Small Furry Things' dental disease endlessly fascinating [Malocclusion! Periapical abscesses! Retrobulbar abscesses! Bunnies!], I had forgotten how hard and time-consuming it is to write a thesis. Have I told you this? I must have. Can you believe I truly thought I'd have a Masters thesis finished in a month, from beginning to end? Ahhhh.... This is my Portie arse, kindly kick it around a bit. IDIOT. The procuring and organising of the bibiography alone took forever and drove me absolutely mental but right now, I am enjoying it. Or was, rather, it's hard to write with teary vision so this all very much looks like the Tooth Fairy gone terribly wrong.

Serves me right for not trying the turkey, I suppose. I could have swung the carcass above my head a few times for good measure as well and chanted in Aramaic, and I'd have been righteously cleansed.

10 furballs:

Kristin said...

Ow...that eye infection sound horrid.

Good luck with the thesis. I don't envy you that at all.

And, when do we get to see a pic of said fabulous boots?

Anonymous said...

Raw turkey?! Ummmmmm....

Hope you feel better soon, darling. Maybe chocolate, applied internally would do a bit better than raw poultry.


Udge said...

Oh dear, poor you! That does sound quite miserable. Ich w√ľnsche Dir eine schnelle Besserung.

Sarah said...

Food from the part of the world where Israel lies: available here anywhere other than Joshua's at the mall food courts?

I currently am in possession of eggplant and grau and tahini and lemons and garlic, but I'd rather eat those things prepared by someone else, but Joshua just doesn't do it for me (though the grape leaves are pretty good).

Anonymous said...

So glad you've blogged again! What I want to know is a) whether you were the only one from the community there and b) whether our favorite security guy was there. Elie, was that his name? The one who said, "Oh yes, we know about you, the American" to me when I showed up there?

QuietusLeo said...

Would you believe that I put off writing my thesis for 7 years? And that isn't even the record. A cardiothoracic surgeon friend of mine has succesfully, actively procrastinated for 15 years thus being prevented from being board certified.
Once I finally, finally decided to write, it took only a couple of weeks.
It is only a matter of mind over matter, so to speak.

Lioness said...

Kristin, when I get around to buying new batteries. Might take a while. They ARE fabulous, though!

Flicka, substitute chocolate for vinegar crips and I'll purr.

Udge, it is surprisingly vile.

Oh Sarah, sorry, no. Joshua it is, or homecooking. *sigh*

V., I went with A. (as if I'd ever go alone to any function!), and ELi has been back in Israel for ages, you tit!

QL, *mimics*: Once I finally, finally decided to write, it took only a couple of weeks. Oh shut up. OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!

JoeinVegas said...

A couple of weeks. Wow. But yes, please, continue, we want you certified.

Anonymous said...

Turkey? That's the most bizarre thing I have ever heard.

Good luck with the thesis. I procrastinate writing anything and am constantly glad I never tried anything like this.

Oh, and the title? My absolutely favorite line in that song. Must listen to it again.

Shoe said...

WHO gave you the raw turkey advice? Did I meet him/her?

And as for your cleaning of pus... yes... I remember your detailed description of scrubbing out some sort of pus-filled something or other behind your ear. shudder. I'm glad you actually sought medical attentionf for that particular malady! Loooon since healed though I know it to be.