08 May 2009

Cattle prod

I really fancied writing a post about porn, I probably haven't aggravated enough Americans in my life and there was this programme that I watched and made me squeal with glee and bless the fact that I live in Portugal [sorry] [and wow!], but Sty has other plans. The buggery thing is still firmly ensconced in my eyelid and, although smaller, I still have a pocket of pus that seems to be resisting the antibiotics. I sense lanceing in the near future and if that's what it takes for me to finally not be blinky, teary and photofobic (or no more photofobic than usual) then here, HAVE A SCALPEL!, need extra hands, I've two!

Good thing I am on holiday right now, yes?

Today it feels as though my eyeball has rotated along its axis. It is not painful per se but neither is it normal, eyeballs should never feel like they are migrating. I look like a mild Tourette patient, honestly, blink-blink, grimace, blink. It's very appealing. Well, I cannot read articles because of the tiny print and I cannot write because of the tiny screen font, and even this small text has caused me to look even more desirable so I am taking the afternoon off and indulging in an America's Next Top Model marathon. Now would be a perfect time for me to be contemplative and actually be able to sit cross-legged and ommm the fuck out of my healing, eye-resting self but I'm not, so ANTM for entertainment it is.

It's not as good as writing about porn but, sort of speaking of which (WARNED YOU BE), I'll leave you with an interesting tidbit: [and this is surprising even me, because I don't fancy writing abt my personal life so much these days after The Great Wanker Experience of Yore, I have no idea why I am inclined to write abt this, of all things, but what the bloody hell], the meds I was on for my skin dry the mucosas, tremendously. Really. You know how men say there are no bad blow jobs? I wouldn't know about that, of course, only being penis-y by proxy, but I can tell you that hydrated mucosas are an underestimated part of gonadal frolicking, and that even with the help of modern pharmaceutical products you'll be inclined to very often utter the words 'I'm sorry, would you mind terribly moving your sand paper a tad to the left? Cheers.' Bad sex because of your partner is horrifying enough [The Fremen in me is screaming 'The waste of precious moisture!' - my wit defies belief.] but less-than-brilliant sex because of you, because you seem to have been transplated to a foreign body? That's just ... No. Not to mention the kiss-interrupting to go have a drink of water because, you know, no saliva. Eh. Blessed be the patient. Good news though, I stopped the meds about a month ago and 1) skin is still clear and 2) I am now able to retain water again. Hurrah!

I'm done now - and aren't we all relieved.

4 furballs:

JoeinVegas said...

Um, there are all kinds of lotions and potions and semi liquids designed to be inserted in certain places that would tend to make things much more slippery. And they work very well, or so I hear.

Kristin said...

That stye sounds hideous and it seriously sucks that the meds are drying everything out.

Anonymous said...

heehee. sorry. but, really, heehee.
ps. it's your own fault, you write so well:)
pps. my WV is 'mismodog'

Anonymous said...

What I really want to say here is "that sucks" but I guess it patently doesn't, does it? So glad you're retaining moisture again!