03 April 2009

'And Xander! Help Willow, and try not to bleed on my couch'

I must be experiencing mental ovulation, for it is one of those days when I am filled with goodwill towards the whole of mankind and a fair amount of restlessness, all sturm und drang in the vicinity of my belly button, something is brewing... This is not helped by my having heard about a concert at the end of May today, you'll never believe who will be performing live: Nik Kershaw! Rick Astley! Kim Wilde! Belinda Carlisle! For fuck's sake, Rick Astley, how brilliantly naff is this? [You don't need carbon 14 to date me, just have a look at my musical taste.] It will be exactly like being in my car but with actual room to dance. Now I need to devise a plan to convince my friends to join me, and then we can all pinch each other awake.

Israel aches in me today, too. I am writing my masters' thesis, and I will dedicate it to Uzi. He had absolutely nothing to do with small mammal's teeth, nothing to do with veterinary science really, except for his uncanny eye to spot snakes and the likes [Remember the scorpion he brought me from the avocado field? Boy knew how to press the buttons of my hormonometre, gift-wise...], but somehow, everything I've done so far is imbedded with him. It's not dark pain, per se, it's a throbbing longing, one of the inumerable things we will never talk about. Not that he would have a lot to say about rabbit and their tooth fairy problems, but... Some days are longer than others. I have been missing Israel a lot. There are days when the lack of Hebrew hurts so much that all I can do is play Hebrew songs over and over again (see: today), Hebrew my faith, osmosis my god. You are all well acquainted with my love for English, yes?, but Hebrew is a physical language, I don't know how else to put it. You speak Hebrew to me for long enough, don't be suprised if I end up latched onto you, trying to relocate your uvula through sheer lingual prehension.

Actually, that last sentence might have been a tad more credible had I not lived in Israel for 3.5 years and effectively managed to resist most Israelis. Well, most kibbutzniks really, there may be a slight difference - for instance, I don't think regular Israelis are born with a toothpick hanging from their mouths. But what do I know, I lived on a kibbutz and then in Eilat, it didn't leave a lot of room for sophistication. Or table manners. Oh someone shut me up, I'm having flashbacks! Do you know what else is bothersome? If you compound what is already a tragedy, being that you're having communal meals with the very people regularly banned, as a nation, from hotels in Turkey and Cyprus due to general lack of civility and the abundant theft items such as bed linen and faucets [fau.cets], by having Tomer what's his name [it was Tomer, why must I remember it?] explain, over breakfast, how much he enjoyed his girlfriend's use of her finger in the general vicinity of his arse, possibly rectum, who knows if colon, peri-orgasm. Now, my own sex life is vastly engrossing but other people's? Mind, I hope you're all copulating plenty and well but that's about the extent of it, I don't particularly need details from strangers, especially instantly visual ones over salad, and especially if the male in question is a bit repulsive anyway. As Israelis might say, WHY I NEED TO KNOW THIS?? And hey, I suffered, you suffer right along with me, I don't care.

[Is it just me or do you also want to kindly pat the hand of those people who say things like Sex is important in a relationship, of course, but not THAT important? Because you know they have been wildly unlucky, right? *pats hand kindly*]

Speaking of vile, foul and disgusting, I am not eating haroset this Seder, it is the bane of Pessach every single time. I don't care how symbolic it is, NO MORE. There.

7 furballs:

Kristin said...

I think dedicating your thesis to Uzi is a lovely way to remember him.

Anonymous said...

"It will be exactly like being in my car but with actual room to dance." Hahahaha! I love you so much.

It was always the bitter herbs I couldn't stand, not being a fan of horseradish. The haroset I could choke down. But then I've only been to two or three seders so it hasn't been a huge struggle for me. I absolutely REFUSE gefilte fish. NO.

I hope you have a lovely Passover. I'll be thinking of you.


treppenwitz said...

You have never tasted my Haroset.

And thanks for the warning. I'll be sure to keep Zahava between us if I'm ever tempted to speak Hebrew to you. :-)

Lioness said...

Kristin, thanks dahling, I agree.

Flicka, I'm fine with the herbs but the haroset... It's just vile, no other word for it. I foudn there's a plethora of tastes to gefilte fish, I had some once and gagged, and some one other time and quite enjoyed it. Not sad to not have it, though.

Treppy, I don't mean to be callous but - it needs to be non-accented Hebrew, sorry. I'm a snob, forgive me! And, God willing, I never will! No offence but nothing good can ever come from haroset. OTOH, there's no such thing as bad kneidelach, feel free to obesefy me.

Anonymous said...

1. I love haroset. AND gefilte fish. So there.

2. I just now finally heard your message on my answering machine! And it made me laugh all over again, even though I saw it online when it happened. HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!!! I would say it's a wee bit fitting but you'd never talk to me again.

3. I want to hear about your thesis but I'm never at home during your evening hours anymore because I'm being good and staying in my office on campus. When can we talk?

Anonymous said...

Oh, and the first anonymous in this series of posts is not me.

My word verification is "alneres." Sounds like it should mean something in Portuguese or Spanish, doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

I think Uzi would be happy that you're dedicating your thesis to him. I think it is very cool.

Plus, wasn't Giles voice divine? Any time they had him sing made me happy. Sadly, his album? Not so awesome. Hey, are you watching Dollhouse? Joss Whedon is a bloody genius.