29 July 2008

Let the games begin!

About five years ago I was sitting with a friend, chatting, and in the old Portie manner the telly was on [Pertinent cultural note #1: the telly is always on.] Suddenly we realised Teresa, a friend of ours, was on LIVE talking about Human Rights in China - or lack thereof. [I've blogged about her here, remember the little boy with no penis?] We cheered her on, did the Wave - a bit of a tradition since she is on the telly all the time and is always brilliant - and all of a sudden what do we hear but the first notes of El Toreador. Teresa had, in typical fashion, forgotten to turn off her mobile. So there she is, expounding, the opera starts and she freezes briefly and then disappears off screen. Oh all right, she didn't quite disappear but she did try to discretely lean to the left so she could reach into her bag and fumble abt, and oh fumble abt she did. ON LIVE TELEVISION! My friend and I could by then barely breathe and not much later we found out that it had actually been Shrimpy ringing her to congratulate her for another brilliant public speaking session, she'd thought it was taped.

Tangent #1
About ten years ago Teresa, that same friend, her brother and I were driving up North in the evening to attend a General Assembly of Amnesty International. Teresa was driving and I was sitting up front, and it was dark in the car. I'd opened a bag of crisps and held it in front of her so she could dive in. She got her crisp and after a while I realised ghe was struggling with something. I asked her what was wrong and she said Oh my, this crips feels funny and I leaned in to see what the problem was. The problem was, and it took me a few seconds to be able to tell her bcs I was in the grasp of that silent, convulsive laugh where you cannot get a sound out, she was trying to eat that little thingy that manufacturers place in cereal boxes and such so the children can pester their parents to buy them for them. She is the one person on earth that I know who will try, for rather a long few seconds, to eat a rectangle of hard material that is wrapped in crinkly plastic. She still hasn't quite lived down that one.

Tangent #2:
I just rang Udge to ask what the thingy is called in English, surely you have a name for it. Useless, absolutely useless. To use an old expression of Uzi's, as of now we are no longer on speaking terms.

[Tangent #3,
You know I cannot always comment on your comments about Uzi, but you also know how much they mean, and you know I am choked up grateful, right? That you still care after all this time?]

So imagine my delight when I turned on the telly just now and who should be on, expounding away [and very rightly so] on the evil that is China, but our Teresa, live? AGAIN? Tell me, how is a warm-blooded, just-on-holiday, carbon-based entity supposed to resist that? I dove for my mobile and rang her and shocker, she froze for a second mid-sentence, but I couldn't be sure it was because of me since the traffic outside was very loud so I parked my bum right in front of the set and rang her again. And she froze, AGAIN! And she leaned to the left and fumbled abt, AGAIN! ON LIVE TELEVISION, AGAIN! I'm not a total cow so I rang off after a few seconds - she was still fumbling - but ahhh, sweet.

I laughed till I literally had tears running down my face and when I could speak again I rang Shrimpy but then it turned out I couldn't very well after all bcs it took her ages to understand what I was trying to squeak, and then the programme was over and I texted Teresa and said HA, I KNEW YOU'D FORGET TO TURN IT OFF, AGAIN! and she texted back and said BUGGER, YOU ROTTEN THING!, and for this, for exactly this, we have opposable thumbs.

PS - It's the day after, 8.45, and guess who just rang me to say she'll be on the news NOW and has preemptively left her mobile in the car this time? *echolalic laughter* Johnny Kenobi... Dr. Johnny Kenobi. Scum and villainy, she must be cautious.

7 furballs:

Udge said...

oh, that is wonderful -- and quite cruel. But really how can it be that nobody thinks of that? Surely it must be the first sentence out of the interviewer's lips?!?

Anonymous said...

oh Lioness, you really are something something, as they say;-) wait, should we call you Dr. Lioness now?
I am going to Crete, till mid Sept., (work) and will miss your blog terribly.
all the best,

JoeinVegas said...

Doctor Johnny - that sounds pretty good. Congratulations?
And congratulations on almost having your phone call on live tv.

youknowho said...

Está bem... e depois o que é que fazemos em tua casa?

Kristin said...

Yes...we definitely must call you Dr. Johnny now. How funny that you called her on live TV!

Diana said...


See, this is why my mobile is NEVER on unless I'm expecting a Very Important Call. Of course, I've got the ringer so low that unless my ear is actually in my purse, I don't hear it anyway. Because you know how much I love the phone.

Passive aggressive tendencies? Me? Never.

I'm still musing over the plastic-wrapped metal rectangle. I really don't think we've got such things here. Sometimes they put toys at the bottom of cereal boxes, but never at the top. How does it make children harass their parents to buy the product? Are they some sort of collectable plastic-wrapped metal rectangle? Do they emit some sort of parent-annoying noise?

Big, dancing kisses to evil DR Johnny. (Got your message. Brilliant!)

Lioness said...

Udge oh shush, it was actually hysterical! I don't know, this is Portugal, apparently they don't mind.

K., Dr. Johnny will be fine, dear. *waves hand regally* Crete?? Sounds exciting! Though that's a terribly long time to be awayn from home, I hope you enjoy it loads! And dahling, miss my blog? I am back now but have you been around the past couple of months? Dearth of everything!

Joe, it's actually not a big difference, we're called dr. from the moment we graduate, even if we're not medical drs or have PhD's. But to be called a doctor bcs I finished vet school, ahhh, that WILL be something!

Is that your mental self, V.? What do you mean??

Kristin, I'm so glad you understand, who could resist that??

Diana, yes, that would never work on you. Am sad now. As for the thingy, it isn't metal, it's plastic and shiny and colourful, I don't know, children are maybe supposed to collect them bcs they are so irresistible? They also come in other shapes, this was just the one in that particular brand. Manuela says they're called "prizes". Bizarre to think you have a thousand different verbs for laughing and not one specific noun for this. Anglos, you're letting me down!