03 June 2008

When bad cooking things happen to good people

Who else is surprised that my latest bone venture has gone awry? Considering my past in vet school and lovely Charles - you haven't forgotten about Carlos The Skull have you [Hey, remember when my blog was fun??] - this shouldn't have come as a shock but still did, a bit, COLT'S CHICKEN LEG MADE ME BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!, and my stove now looks like this:

Because a certain dog's atrophy is better but she still needs her physiotherapy [I cannot even let the dog run free downstairs and throw tennis ball for her to fetch and bring till my brain leaks out of my left ear in utter boredom bcs some criminal is leaving pieces of poisoned chicken in my neighbourhood and one neighbour of mine lost her dog a few days ago and I am not a violent person despite my gun fascination and wishing I could kick arse but people like this deserve to be slowly flayed alive and then made to eat a healthy portion of rat poison themselves and be left to die.] and crunching bones makes her better and happier even as she liberally sprays bone pieces in all directions and we have a power struggle bcs according to Papoila the proper bone-chewing place is my fine wool carpet and she keeps getting up and bringing it over and I keep getting up and putting it back on her bed - though, she's the only dog I know that wags her tail madly when a bone is taken away from her - and here we are, a boney puddle on the stove that is surely coagulating as I type this, making it even more fun to clean up, and a puddle on the floor that is surely gone bcs the dog is bound to have licked it all up by now and HULLO, WELCOME TO MY EXCRUCIATINGLY EXCITING LIFE. [And hey, remember when my blog was fun??]

I wrote a Let's make hard sausages and cheese and butter test last week, and am writing the Economy one next Friday, and have absolutely nothing I could blog abt, my life has lost both its pulse and its will to live - though, Manuela says she is coming in the first week of August but I'll believe it when I see the reservation - actually, I'll believe it when I see her - and trying to have an interactive blog has never worked for me bfr bcs you lot either take lurkdom to new heights or can't be bothered, hopeless, the lot of you, but anyway am subjectless, if you want to ask questions that might just be the one manoeuvre left for a while... Of such things legends are made.

PS - The target=_blank tag is NOT working, and the links are NOT opening in their own page, and my life? It is ruined.

15 furballs:

CarpeDM said...

The idea of leaving poisoned chicken out for dogs to eat makes me absolutely sick. That is horrible and I hope they catch the person who is doing it.

Your blog is always fun. Because, hello, how many times do you get to read about someone boiling a bone on her stove?

Love to you and all the furry ones

Dexter Colt said...

What sort of bone do you give Papoila? My old dog used to love cow knucklebones. But, if you tried to take it from her she'd put on a big display of growling (it was all an act)...

The sort of people that leave poisoned meat out for dogs need to be set on fire. What is wrong with people?!

Ms. Krieger said...

Hehehe. "Taking lurkdom to new heights," eh?

Well, while we're in the interactive mode, I suppose I can share a silly story.

My kitties do not eat bones (although they probably would give it a try if I let them.) The older one does have a thing for chewing hard objects prone to splintering, though. She especially likes the wooden blind pulls we have, or rather had (she has chewed through almost all 28 of them in the course of a year.) So one morning we awoke in the semi-darkness to find yet another punished wooden blind pull lying on the bedroom carpet - but this one had part of the cord attached, about three feet.

Really, now, so kitty has taken to tugging the cords off the blinds as well as the wooden pulls. Well, no matter we thought, they are almost all destroyed anyway. And reached down in the dimness to find-

a soft 2 inch poop connected to a 3 foot long poop scrape across the carpet.

Oh yes, it was no blind pull - it was The Largest Butt Drag Ever.

Lovely cleaning that up in the wee hours, oh yes. How did kitty carry that large of a poop piece stuck to butt through lower floor, up stairs and then once in bedroom suddenly drag bum 3 feet across floor to remove said companion poop and create TLBDE? That shall remain a mystery.

Last blind pull still intact.

Lioness said...

Dana, hallo, here? Quite a lot actually. The novelty is gone. And loads of people with dogs gove them bones, not certain they cook them first but my dog isn't eating raw anything, ever. I KNOW TOO MUCH.

How will we find out who did it? Not even sure it's punishable by law here...

DC, I give her pork bones bcs of BSE. Things have changed but the incubation period is 6 years and there are still cases popping up in the South and I will not take any risks so pig it is. I ask for the humerus - any hard, chewable, resistant bone will do actually.

I do like the fire option.

Ms Krieger, HA! Yes, just look around and you'll have proof of it. Good of you to delurk though, stories are always welcome! That cat of yours is as stubborn as mine, I am forever running after tripod to prevent her from eating plastic and not always successfully - she also enjoys paper and photograph-licking. She does it for the furballs but when I try to give her the paste to hel expel them she fights me, the little idiot. I think I'd faint if mine had those TLBDE abilities - but as an-almost vet I'll have to add this: your cat has been very lucky so far, splinter sof wood can perfurate the intestines and cause a bloody mess and I'll guess that she could drag it bcs inside there was something that kept it all together, probably a long piece of the pull - another winner, bcs it can bunch up the intestines and cause necrosis. Is there any way you can prevent her from accessing the last blind? It's making me nervous!

People, you do realise you're no help whatsoever, yes? You either think my life's an open book or you're the least curious lot on earth. Don't complain if you only hear from me in September, SERVES YOU RIGHT. *sulk*

oh, you know who said...

You're posting again! Yay!

Ok, I have a question: what is the most horrible disease you've ever convinced yourself you had, on the basis of what seemed to be symptoms? (we're going for hypochondria tales, here)

And if that doesn't get your writerly inspiration flowing, here's an alternative: what was the latest oh-so-Portie moment that made you smack your forehead in disbelief and say, "The northernmost province of Morocco! We are, I tell you! We are!"?

Or perhaps you could tell us what ever happened with last January's plumbing disaster.

Or... if you were here in the US, who would you have voted for in the primary, and why?

And how are Portuguese politics going these days? (Ever since the exit of Santana Copos, things seem tame from afar.)


José said...

É claro que é crime!
Aliás, de certeza mais do que um!
Para além do(s) alvo(s) principa(is)l, a própria saúde pública fica em perigo!
Não sou propriamente um amante dos animais - embora tenha um cão e uma tartaruga, na realidade mais por "herança" do que por vontade. Conformo-me, não me entusiasmo.
Mas a ideia da crueldade para com os animais é gratuita e enoja e enfurece!

José said...

Percebi mal, ou alguém esqueceu-se de uma panela ao lume?...

Dexter Colt said...

Gah! Never even thought of BSE. I guess it is just a matter of time before it strikes the states. Scary stuff.

Lioness said...

V., figures you'd be the only one! How did I know that?? I did write abt the plumbing disaster, go back and read properly, woman. And I wouldn't know abt Portie politics, I gave up. Seriously. Remember when I could name every minister? I refuse to know things now, it's just depressing. I don't know what S. is doing other than he lost and MFL won - oh wow, good one - and I don't care to know more.

José, eu sei que é mas o que eu queria dizer era, neste país este tipo de coisa não é punida, é quase uma brincadeira. A panela não foi esquecida mas estava demasiado tapada. Lave bem as mãos depois de mexer na tartaruga e mudar a água etc, e se tiver crianças com menos de 5 anos não as deixe mexer-lhe - mas tartarugas são cool, e cães também! Um dia acorda crente, vai ver. Tantas pessoas teriam simplesmente abandonado os bichos... Kudos!

DC, yup. Only, I thought you'd already had it? I don't necessarily trust our meat but US kmeat scares me even more, you are allowed to use products that Europe has banned long ago, frightening. I'd only eat organic if I lived there.

JoeinVegas said...

Oh L, such stove cleaning. I hope the dog gets bone soup too, that's probably even tastier with all the brown bits in it.
No vacation planned? Classes all summer? Is it nice and sunny and warm on your way to school? Come on, regale us with tales of fellow students falling on their face. (we know it's never you) But we like these little doggy tidbits too. Thanks.

the other side of the planet, but the weather's the same said...

Dude, you didn't reply to my two juiciest prompts. Let's try again:

1) what is the most horrible disease you've ever convinced yourself you had, on the basis of what seemed to be symptoms? (we're going for hypochondria tales, here)

2) what was the latest oh-so-Portie moment that made you smack your forehead in disbelief and say, "The northernmost province of Morocco! We are, I tell you! We are!"?

I'm waiting. (crosses arms, taps foot impatiently)

Ms. Krieger said...

BSE is Horrifying.
And yes, I'm sure we've had it here except that the USDA keeps it quiet, tamps it down...doesn't even test all the downer cattle, only those that "accidentally" get into the food supply.

In fact, it was only last month that the USDA formally forbid the slaughter of animals for food that cannot stand on their own. It previously allowed it if they were cleared by a vet.

However, I am still confused about something you said, Lioness. Cannot pigs be infected with a prion disease like BSE? I would think that if people can get Creutzfeld-Jacobsen from cattle then pigs can get it, too. (Oh yes, we feed our pigs ground up other animals. Those that don't get into the food supply, like downer cows. Oh yes, lovely lovely lovely.)

In fact, I'm pretty sure commercial pet food such as it is comes from animals discarded from the human consumption line. Which is vaguely reassuring, because you never hear of cats or dogs suffering from untimely dementia or any such thing...perhaps the disease is rare in the States after all.

Shoe said...

Any questions I may have conjured have now vanished into a mire of panicky depression over our North American meat supply. Bloody hell! Johnny, here in Canada allllll the yuppie-money-is-no-object-organicky-pet-loving types are chanting that a raw food diet is the BEST thing for dogs. In fact, all the hollistic vets are saying the same thing. We are all also advised AGAINST feeding dogs cooked bones. SOOO confused! And worried that I'm inadvertantly hurting my beloved one-eyed pooch!


K. Here's a question. Top five favourite comfort foods in alphabetical order please.

Nancy said...

I want to know where you'd like to travel (that you've not been to before) and perhaps even live for a while...and why.

Now, THAT is a question that should take up a post or four!

Lioness said...

Joe, I don't have classes all summer, I have exams for 2 months, which amounts to the same thing really. No wait, actually worse. I don't quite understand the falling on their faces - you mean, as in failing exams? I dearly hope I won't have the chance to blog abt that this time, can't afford it! Dog doesn't get any bone soup bcs I never get round to cooking soup for myself, let alone the dog, and she gets enough tidbits as it is from all sorts of things.

Ms. Krieger - first off, I'm confused, I thougth you were in teh Netherlands, what gives?? We didn't study pigs at all in regard to BSE so I cannot imagine they get it. Cows have BSE, sheep and goat have scrapies, humans have Kuro(brought to you by honouring one's ancestors through eating their brains, isn't it vile??), pigs have loads of other diseases but, unless I'm very mistaken, no BSE. As for pet foods, well, I think the top brands are carefully monitored, consumer pressure has gone up. But yes, in general US meat scares the bloody hell out of me.

Manuela, I really don't know what to tell you other than be sure to have Seti's blood work regularly done to screen for anaemia and such - you should anyway since he's a Basenji and pure breeds are more prone to shit than mutts. Not that Papoila proves that point well but then again veterinarians' pets always have the most bizarre disease presentations, par for the course. I personally prefer to give Papoila a balanced commercial diet bcs that way I know she is receiving all the nutrients she nees. Dogs are carnivores but not strict carnivores, they need some veggies, some carbo hydrates, this is simply my option. Mind, I was once at a congress where they were selling vegetarian pet food for cats and dogs - vegetarians! I nearly popped a vessel and was bloody furious, they explained to me that this was a fad started in Holland for vegetarians with pets who felt uncomfortable abt having their pets consume meat. Especially with cats this is criminal, and if your lifestyle doesn't allow for meat in the house get a bleeding budgie, this really is tantamout to animal abuse. And when I say I cook bones I mean I boil them a bit till the remaining meat + tendons etc are cooked, we still have brucellosis and a few other diseases in the country, but they don't become brittle.

Nancy, oh indeed, so much so that I am stumped right now! But now I have post fodder for when I'm all out of things to say, thank you - only btehre's one other post I'd like to write bfr that so we'll see what finishes brewing first.