02 April 2008

Yes yes yes Ididit ididit ididit

Just now, and hated it. HATED IT. I hate being forced to, I do, I know it's not a bad thing per se and there's not much to it really, swallow it = feel better, and it's not that bad, I know it's not but I look at this unsubstantial white thingy and don't want it anywhere near me, feels like a violation, don't know why it bothers me so much, lots of people do it daily, I actually know women who thrive on it but that's part of the problem I think, it always feels like too much for me, this need to take a pill to be able to fall asleep even if I only take them at such times, even if this is the only thing that will break the cycle, we all define the vboundaries for our normal and needing a sleep inducer is a trespassser and frowned upn by my psyche, who and it has been clear to me for a couple of days that I am truly not myself right now, but I feel that I am even when I'm not and even swhile I know couldn't be I feel it's safe to do things bcs I feel I am and wow, stilnox is working already , not even 10min, maybe that«s why this last sentence doesn't make muxch sense to me, hope it does to you bcs i, lovelies, need to assume hiorizinatlity right now so recappingm, took stilnbnox, will rise sane
, fingers crossed, beijos e abraços

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UPDATE: it is half midnight, Stilnox always makes me sleeep in abt 45 mun, it been over an hour and a half, am drugged anf have headcahce but not falling asleep. bah. happende once bfr, when i was resisting sleep as well. no more options now bhut to be awake until i'm not. houskeepr in 7h. shloud be fun. will reread the lost world then. sghould be fun on drugs too. how does it go?, system complexity may hide the risk of chaos but it's still there? malcolm and complexity theory fiot right in, right now I am the red queen working vry hard to simply stay put. also, am lispy, and therefore pissy.
UPDATE: half one. fuck's sake.

8 furballs:

José said...

oh, shut up and go to sleep!
Bons sonhos!

Udge said...

dare we assume from the lack of further updates, that you did eventually sleep? Hope so. Try not to kill anyone today, unless you're sure you can hide all the evidence.

Lioness said...

I didn't, I simply stopped updating, what left was there to say? This ain't Harry Potter. Was up till really late, God. Housekeeper was very quiet and very sweet but I am knackered, completely knackered. It was a very horrible night.

Udge said...

/me shakes his head. We have to get you sorted out and into bed, dear Johnny. You can't go on like this indefinitely.

José said...

Bom, se nem com comprimido vai lá, parece ser altura de pedir ajuda especializada, não?
O Udge tem razão: não pode continuar assim.
Ao menos consegue dormir durante o dia?

Lioness said...

I'll give the Stilnox another go tonight, and will take it while already in bed. I'll also take a Voltaren bfr that to help with the muscle cramps. Should work, we'll see.

Ajuda especializada... - nesta altura é precisamente isto que se faz, tentar quebrar o ciclo, portanto o truque é voltar a tentar. Nem pensar em dormir de dia, NEM PENSAR, dava-me cabo do pouco ritmo circadiano que ainda terei e, acima de tudo, acordava enjoada e com enxaqueca. Nunca me dei bem com sestas.

Diana said...

Yes. Set the scene. It won't work if you're fighting it. Be in bed. All dark and soothing, perhaps some soft light for reading something soporific. No phone. Not hungry. Go early enough that you can get the full benefit with the least hang-over.

Good luck, lispy, listy one. I'll chat with you this weekend.

Lioness said...

Diana, I will. And I'm looking forward to it!

[God this is one fucked up little post!]