07 April 2008

In which she becomes a Cyber Goth Bitch

It was only a matter of time, I knew it was. I gave in and joined Second Life. *kicks Udge* It is fascinating, from both a personal and an anthropological perspective. You can choose whatever body and outfit you want and I surprised myself [Eh. Slightly, then.] by turning into a raven-haired half Goth latex-clad bitch with legs so long they could double as a drawbridge. I have the fabbest head of hair - me with an afro, such a novel concept! But, BUT. It's a Sci-Fi afro and my look is futuristic bcs of it - I also have Fremen eyes, at last! - and that's just how I like it. Also? I tried another outfit on but it felt all wrong [HA!] so for now I'll keep the one I have, which is slightly reminiscent of Drrrty - only hotter. Quoting that bloke from How I Met Your Mother - dudes, I'm awesome!


[NOTE: I no longer look like this. I was in love with this avatar before, wait till you see what I look like now!]

My first experience was hysterical, maybe I'm really easy humour-wise but I could barely walk and found it hilarious. Every time I try to play video games with movement I become disorientated and if I'm driving the road will be winding and I will be driving straight ahead and closing my eyes bcs it makes me feel dizzy. Instant crash. So I kept walking into everything and when I tried flying I splattered myself over every building in my vicinity [but oh my God, flying is the bloody best!]. We are supposed to do orientation to help acclimate us and I found myself looking for the Flying Centre, fully lost (that someone with almost no spatial perception whatsoever should join a virtual world is very optimistic, yes?), so when I saw a little girl driving her two-wheeled thingy my way I asked if she knew where it was. Emma, the girl, said she did but would only tell me if I played with her first and I said Alright, fine, someone was airing their inner child, no worries, but when she came closer I braced myself bcs really, how many pot-bellied little girls with humungous, droopy boobs do you know? Our conversation went like this:

Emma: Fly after me!
Lioness: Will try, thanks.
Emma: Lioness, can you help me? The other kids at school mock me bcs I have a 14'' penis. Wanna see it?
Lioness: Oh God...
Emma: What? WHAT? I just want to make friends!
Lioness: You should try not speaking then.
Emma: You're mean, I need help, you know, it's very hard for me having this penis! [Note: am assuming 14'' is equine of sorts, can't do inches at all and didn't bother to google.]
Lioness ignores Emma and tries to find Centre on her own
Emma becomes pissy and starts shoving her mid-flight
Lioness' flight plan becomes even more erratic
Emma: Hey, Lioness? LIONESS! Why are you ignoring me! *bump* *shove*
Lioness decides to resume walking
Emma walks behind her
Emma: You can't fuck with my emotions, BITCH!
Emma: Nice ass, bitch!
Emma: I like your tits, whore!

All this from a tiny lavender-clad much-boobed woman was very disturbing and I was laughing so hard it took me forever to get back to the centre of the island, where the mentors are. When I got there Emma complained to one of them, let's say Ayla, that I'd hurled insults at her and hurt her feelings and she kept shoving me bcs I was still ignoring her. Ayla told her to stop and of course she didn't, and so Ayla taught me how to at least mute her, which was very welcoming but Emma kept walking up to me and being in my face, literally, so finally Ayla reported her to the Cyber Gods or something for harassment, and I was in absolute hysterics over it all, which reassured Ayla that I hadn't been unduly traumatised. We ended up bonding and she gave me a set of wings.

Enter Udge. Udge and I met and I was still in hysterics over Emma and the poor walking and the poor flying and somehow my wings had become detached from my body and tilted. Poor Udge not only showed me around but also helped me fix my wings, it involved several axes, you know, the X and the Y and the Z and I'm absolutely hopeless with coordinates bcs I cannot visualise anything even if I'm staring at it but he managed to talk me through it, blessed be. I met some of his friends and he teleported me out to the most brilliant tropical beach ever, and also encouraged me to break into a house, where we then squatted. The lag became horrendous shortly after that and SL spat me out but I think they were caught by the owners. Oops!

The second time I logged on I decided to explore and the first place I found was a Kmart but it must be the European version, they sold blowjobs and licks and grinding. I don't know, I understand the appeal of letting your alter egos run wild but this whole cybershag notion is very perplexing, considering that the world is full of human beings you can actually feel. Porties are the touchy-feely sort, I am forever training my Anglo visitors to properly kiss upon meeting people and we also do proper hugs, maybe that's it?, but then again I cannot imagine that Porties as a whole never engage in internet sex at all so maybe not, let's just say that the thought of avatar copulation doesn't make me go *rrrawr*. At all.

All in all it was brill and a bit overwhelming, and I must not ever become addicted. Next I'll forage for a tattoo kit and maybe a scar or two, my Cyber Goth Inner Bitch feels a tad naked without them. Oh, and I already have a gun kit and somehow sense I'll favour knives, there's something so primeval abt them. Am all abt the raw now.

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PS - As you may surmise from the sudden dearth of posts, I've started sleeping (tfu tfu tfu). Shout out to my splendid friends who have put up with my excruciating boredom and need to be entertained [Ring-ring! - Hi, whatcha doing? - Amazingly, the very same thing I was doing when you rang an hour ago.] [*clears throat*] without threatening to sever all ties too much.

PPS - Visited the last abattoir today, rabbits - bunnies! Bunnies! Much better than the chicken one though and it was also the last time, it's all fish from now on. I cannot begin to tell you how good that is. I'll miss my professor though, who always smells most excellently. *bite*

16 furballs:

Udge said...

I am glad to hear that you are sleeping again, dear J, and it was quite wonderful to meet you in SL. Have fun slaughtering helpless creatures!

(validation word is "piffat" which well describes my state today)

CarpeDM said...

The whole Second Life thing confuses me. And yes, 14 inches is quite equine like. Thinking that the average man is 7, this must be some wishful thinking.

Bunnies? Oh dear.

Udge said...

35.5 cm to be exact. Highly unlikely. Unless s/he means "have" in the sense of "keep in a jar of formaldehyde".

Diana said...

Am relieved about the sleeping, yes I am.

Am also relieved that you aren't too scarred over the bunnies (bunnies!). Fish would be much easier to deal with.

I forgot to ask: You can fly but can you now breathe under water? Sort of a flying goth fish/amphibian?

Lioness said...

Udge, oh you cruel man! At least I do not eat rabbit, what have YOU got to say? It was fun, yes. And shopping today was even more so! 35.5 cm? God. I couldn't even be bothered to google it. Am still laughing over the jar bit!

DM, wishful thinking for whom, the mares in his acquaintance? You wave 35.5 cm of something in my general direction and it had better not be a penis.

Diana, FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK! See Udge, that person up there? He sort of mentioned we could walk underwater a while ago. I nearly had a fit, he'd forgotten all abt my profile! We did indeed walk underwater and it is the most gorgeous thing ever. I know where I'll go now when real life becomes stressful, for a walk underneath the world. Fish and all. God.

Viscondantropologuessa said...

I was wondering why you had stopped calling so often. Rather missed it. But hooray!!! I'm so glad to hear that you're sleeping. I'm doing somewhat better myself.

Now, about this Second Life thing. I could never go near it. I get too little fresh air as it is, and god knows I'd be addicted in a flash. And I can't help but think it's a bad thing in the long run -- the anthropologist in me really believes we all need *more* face-to-face human interaction, not less. (Funny to be writing this on a blog, but you know what I mean!)

Lioness said...

You miss it?? God. You know how much I love talking on the phone, I don't understand (Diana) people (Diana) who hate it (Diana), but I had to stop bcs other people are actually sleeping and working and leading normal lives and it is very guilt-inducing to feel like I'm haunting them and I do guilt too well. And when you want t chat you know all you have to do is send an email and I'll ring you back.

You need to check out SL, you do, it's a minefield for gender studies. You'd love it.

Va Va Va Voom, said V. said...

Just came back and saw your avatar. She looks like you! Well, if you were a bit more buff and had black hair, that is. But she has a certain je ne sais quois in common with you. You GO, girl.

Lioness said...

One could say it almost looks as though she stemmed from my psyche?

Wait for the next one. WAIT FOR IT. I feel like a bloody goddess! :D

QuietusLeo said...

On a completely different subject. With Passover approaching I thought you might find this interesting.

JoeinVegas said...

Bunnies? Poor fluffy little soft bunnies? Oh my.
And you took Udge up on SL - hope it doesn't take too much of your time.

Chimmy's Ghost said...

Am I the only person wonder why you adopted a "second life" when your fist one is so busy?

Though I do find your experience comical. And, 14 inches?! Even a horse wouldn't know what to do with that!

Lioness said...

Quietusleo, thank you, I'll forward it to my community. We're all very grateful to Barr*os B*astos still. He was a very brave man.

Joe, yes, very cute bunnies. But it wasn't too bad, the animals were healthy, not stressed at all, they were stunned very efficiently, it's not a bad abattoir. It is not going to take up a lot of my time bcs I can't afford it, but it's a fascinating thing.

Chimmy, I did it while still under the throes of insomnia and I think it actually helped me. Am all fierced up anc cool now! And I can go relax underwater anytime, at last. UNDERWATER! :)

And if I could just point you towards
this, for your education...?

Chimmy's Ghost said...

Feeling oh so very insignificant after following that link.

Lioness said...

Haha! You should be feeling oh so very thankful though, unless you like seeing your women run screaming into the night.

Dexter Colt said...

haha. They do that already.