29 April 2008

E cá estamos.

Hi! One phobia, one fear, one Through The Looking Glass conversation, a revelation and a never-before-heard statement, sound alright to you? [And, insomnia is back!]

Have been having tsunami flashbacks all day, isn't it fun? I thought someone who must not be dead might have been due to yet another natural calamity! Do you know how many there are? Let's see: earthquakes, volcano eruptions, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, landslides, avalanches. Did I leave something out? Don't think so, feel free to add to it if I have, wouldn't want my overblown fears to miss out on anything. There's pestilence too, forgot abt that one. Oh, and bombings in Israel, not quite natural but same effect. So yes, am driving in my car this morning and hear abt 3 tornadoes having hit Virginia, OF COURSE my mind starts picturing Dexter lying under a pile of rubble, possibly being a pile of rubble, possibly fragmentedly spread over a few piles of rubble. Would they have any photos databases for victim ID, I wondered? So the natural reaction upon finding out that they hit yesterday and he therefore is, indubitably, very much alive is to become so mad at him I think I'd have hit him then, literally hit him, if he'd been anywhere near me, I paced the living-room for a while chiding him, what could he have been thinking for fuck's sake, how could he?? [How could you??] Once I dreamt my father died. I blocked the whole of it but one thing I will always remember - it was real. It was one of those dreams that feel real, and that is the grief I know I will feel when he does die [tfu tfu tfu]. When I woke up I rang my parents sobbing and my father wasn't home so he had to call me back and when he did I just yelled at him, HOW COULD HE?? Sense a pattern, o sleuths? In short, people, please don't die on me. Please do not. Die on me and I'll kill you. I fucking will.

The dog? Spoke with Big Neurologist today and the differential diagnosis for unilateral head muscles atrophy? TUMOUR! See what fun day I've had? If so, possibly a peripheral one that just might be operable bcs she has no central symptoms but it requires an MRI to diagnose it and I don't have the required 500 euros! Or the money for the surgery, if it comes to that! So Dog, you have a weird viral neuropathy and that is that, yes, YES YOU DO. Now go chew on your Spongebob tennis ball so your muscles come back and that will the end of this.

My colleagues talking among themselves: girl announcing triumphantly to a group of us that she's actually had sex this weekend, WOOT! Girl further explaining that she's been feeling a bit down bcs all around her people are having great shags [don't look at me] and she's all "What are you doing, shut up, am so itchy I can barely walk!" but finally, AT LAST, this weekend she managed to scratch her little itch off. Sentence finished, everyone congratulates her, "Wow, well done, good for you!". Then they all look respectfully pensive, short prayer to the God of Gonad silently uttered, and after that one of the boys says, very seriously as one is wont to in that situation, "Yes, sex is so important". And they all nod, and another short prayer goes off into the skies. And I? I felt old. I cannot even remember sex being that serious [or shareable]! I mean, at our age sex is serious but for different reasons, not because you're among the first people to discover it. They probably spell it seks now, but, like, how would I know.

Speaking of sex, do you know what's almost as good as bad sex? Bad sushi. Blech. Think I'll go sushelibate for a while now.

My eating habits have been appalling, I not only forget to eat but I'd rather go hungry than cook. The day bfr yesterday all I had all day was a bag of crisps. Yesterday I had some scrambled eggs with roasted peppers at 22.'00. Today? Five cappuccinos. Horrible, I know, but I cannot be bothered to cook anything, I have opened the fridge door and looked in so many times today but my whole body goes Ooof, no, so - no. I keep hoping that something will materialise but no, so - no. I desperately need a cook slave. On the plus side? I actually have a very small waist and my fave belt has been lost for months now, don't even ask me how bcs my closets are tidy, it's a mystery, and I'm fussy with belts so haven't found one I like so I always wear the one with the 2 rings you thread the belt canvas-y cloth through, know the sort? It doesn't stay put! Bcs I lost some more weight (this is the plus side btw, got a bit lost there) - but right sort of bum still there and it looks good actually, I thoroughly enjoyed my bum today!, boldified and all bcs these words are seldom uttered, capture the moment! My jeans kept sliding down so I finally stood in front of the loo, where you're a bit shielded from view, and pulled my [exceedingly cool lioness] shirt up a bit to uncover belt and did that wiggly thing we do when we're readjusting thongs and pulling jeans up while turning around (half of you will know what I mean and half of you won't care either way bcs I said thongs) and when I completed the turn I found a male colleague staring at my lower half fetchingly bug-eyed and so I sweetly asked whether he'd been staring at my bum. And then he literally took one step back and raised his hands and said "Good God no, your, er, navel piercing, NAVEL PIERCING!" And then I raised my eyebrow. And then he swallowed. And then he fled. And God, young males are too easy. Aaand, we're done here.

10 furballs:

QuietusLeo said...

How evil of you to scare the young males like that. ;-P
How do women learn to do that exquisite wiggle? Or is it an instinctive behaviour?

Anonymous said...

Thank you for making me laugh out loud: "They probably spell it seks now, but, like, how would I know." ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!

And now for the serious part of your post, oh Papoila, little Papoila, poor little thing, poor you, give her lots of kisses for me and maybe a doggy treat, if you have one around for her, and tell her that her tia californiana is thinking of her.


José said...

Meu Deus, que mázinha!
Se gosta do seu bum, que dirão os seus jovens colegas, e ainda mais neste tempo de Primavera, em que as hormonas florescem e se multiplicam!
Deixe-os lá olhar e sonhar.
Acho curioso esse hábito de divulgar as ocasiões e as qualidades das quecas...
Por falar em qualidade, a da sua alimentação vai fazê-la ir longe, vai...

Lioness said...

Quietusleo, they should have learnt some finesse by now, yes? Those who haven't can be mercilessly mocked. Exquisite?? Have you seen it?

V., I will. Am trying to ring the lab but they have the phone off the hook, the idiots.

José, não é o olharem, é o olharem com aquele ar de tolos, já não têm 15 aninhos, às vezes parece que nunca viram uma mulher na vida. Eu tb não percebo esta divulgação da vida íntima mas pronto, cada um sabe de si. Deve ser generacional. Quanto à alimentação, ahhh, yes. Enfim.

JoeinVegas said...

Wiggle your bum and talk about thongs and I'll come over to be your cook slave.

Nancy said...

Poor men, there are just some questions that they can not answer correctly, no matter what the answer.

Jose is right, they're young, full of hormones and completly convinced that they are the only generation to have ever discovered sex. How did the human race get on with itself before they found out how to procreate?

Lioness said...

And wouldn't your wife appreciate the sentiment, Joe.

Nancy, you understand Portuguese now! And you're commenting, how did you fix it??

QuietusLeo said...

I was referring to the generic wiggle that all womankind seem to possess and drives us neanderthals to distraction. ;-P

Lioness said...

I know you were, so was I, and that is exactly my point: to us womankind it just looks funny. Neanderthals indeed! :D

Diana said...

Yes. A virus. It happens all the time. Now, there isn't a way to sneak her into an MRI? No one needs to do a quick scan to 'check the machine'?

Isn't it nice your parts are still oogle worthy? That's got to feel good, especially with summer theoretically coming.