09 March 2008


Yesterday I fell asleep on the sofa at the ripe age of 36 shortly after 22h and was woken up at abt midnight by the sound of Moshe, my old laptop, doing its very best to take off from the table.

Moshe has always been a little shit really and if you're inclined to buy a Toshiba - don't. Moshe has basically lived its life on the coffee table (and on my lap in the days bfr the router met its maker), quite pleasant one would think but one would be wrong. Apparently the pressure was far too much and a fortnight after I bought it the left hinge gave out and the CD/DVD reader died, along with multiple software problems so back to the shop, fixed, not really, still software problems, back to the shop, technician at a loss, fixed, not really, finally gave Moshe to Shrimpy who reformatted it and then all was fine but what is that funny fanny noise, could it be the fan, why yes it is, it's a hysterical fan and a repeatedly shutting down computer, back to the shop, Moshe is found to have the ability to suck in pet hair and dust from every room in the flat, telekinesis of sorts, hoovered for a mere 70E, back home and all was fine until wait, was that a CLUNG!, let that not have been a CLUNG!, why it was a CLUNG!, back to the shop, hardisk had committed suicide, fixed, wait, the E is pissy, along with the Z and the tabspace making for easier typing, oh no wait, needs to be cleaned again, and look, left hinge gave up again so now the screen needs to be propped against a box, I can see how opening and closing a laptop daily might be too much for said laptop indeed, unexpected stress as it were, and oh, isn't it funny that you closed it and then tried to open it and it took half an hour bcs the locky thing got stuck and then you were forced to pack the little locky thingy space with cotton so you can actually open it again and remember how the battery worked for 2.5h and then abruptly went from that to 0 seconds, no warning whatsoever, now you have it, now you don't, and Moshe's exoskeleton actually looks as though it's used for self-protection anyway and far older than its years so Toshibas? Never again.

This over-heating has been making me very pissy, there are programmes I cannot run bcs it shuts down, I cannot convert .ppt's to .pdf's bcs oh the stress, let's die a little and so all the stupid .ppt's are taking up too much space in my hardisk and I have been waiting for the end of the exams to start using Aristides (Asus) properly bcs it has Vista installed and there are a lot of programmes still incompatible with it so I need to find someone with XP in English - and Word in English above all or I'll be lost and cursey with the Brazilianess of it all - and haven't been able to so far, so I need Moshe to still work.

Upon waking up to a black screen and a decidedly unable-to-stay-on laptop I braved the cold waters of fears this morning and opened up Moshe the Old and Feeble to hoover it. It worked, it works (tfu tfu tfu), the sheer amount of dust cum hair but especially dust was so extensive I actually thought the amalgama it formed was a piece of foam only it wasn't, it was just molded that way, but do you know how aggravating it is to have a brand new laptop and still not be able to use it?

Also, just now I lifted my beloved cappuccino to my lips to drink it, obviously to drink it, and poured a generous amount of it all over myself AND the sofa. Same thing happened the day before with coke (minus sofa), the bloody hell? So, not only do I now fall asleep on the couch at obscenely early hours but am body gastrodysmorphic, I can't seem to exactly recall where my lips are or what to do with them. Smashing.

None of this is doing much for my personal growth.

6 furballs:

Anonymous said...

Guess it might be time to consider going to a Mac, darling! You'll never regret it. Promise. Have been using them since the 80's and I have to say I laugh every time my loved one screams at his PC for having yet another problem, because in the land of Mac? Never have any at all. Ever.

Lioness said...

Good God, you're alive! ALIVE!

I cannot go Mac yet, they have only just arrived in Portugal, parts and support prices are utterly ridiculous. But I do know a few people whose Macs died on them unexpectedly so that frightens me a bit as well.

Anonymous said...

Bem ... caso decidas algum dia tirar o Moshé ao lixo ... aqui estou eu :)

Homem do Cacharrel.

Dexter Colt said...

Gah! My previous laptop was a Toshiba. And, it was host to many aggravating (if not infuriating) problems. The only thing I'm sorry about was it committed suicide before I could kill it myself.

I might resurrect it as a linux machine, but that might be a waste of time. Toshiba, became a curse word a long time ago...

And, try using a hand-mirror when you drink. It might solve that coordination problem ;)

Inês said...

Hallo Lioness!
Wie geht´s? I´m now writing you from my still not problematic Toshiba...i hope it goes on that way too...sometimes i hate it very much because i have to carry it everywhere i go these days but still it allows me to be in contact with the rest of the world...i hadn´t been in your site for some time now, it´s good to hear from you again! Still didn´t see any pretzels with cheese close to the Berliner Dome, i´m afraid...glad to know you got that internship you were looking for! Not so glad to know that besides your Toshiba your kitchen was also behaving pretty badly lately...shit happens, right?
All the best to you and to the lovely pets and thanks a lot for the rolly-polly bugs memory, i used to love them too while wearing my multicolored bibe...

Udge said...

/me shakes his head sadly and sympathetically, while stroking his various well-behaved and silent Macs.