21 March 2008

Emprouded©

It is Spring now, it is finally Spring. I just got back from my friend Bee's, it was sunny and warm and the hills are full of vibrant yellow flowers. It was lovely, Spring is lovely.

You know, my 36th year of life was hard, a very hard one. The past 3 years have been very hard bcs of Uzi of course but being 36 was full of distasteful things that were almost worse. When someone you love dies they're still the ones you love, they haven't changed nor will they ever and neither will your past, you carry the righteous, worthy core with you at all times. All times. If someone you once cared for turns out to be the pus in the boil on the arse of a soiled gnu, well. WELL. I am most glad I am done with being 36, and I will do all in my power to ensure that my 37th year will be as good as I know I deserve it to be. I know how much I have grown, I know I do see all greys better, I no longer alone carry The Truth, I am more flexible, more accepting. We never know what Life holds for us but we certainly know what sort of life we may have, we have almost absolute control over that. My sort of life means, unequivocally, being able to do the right thing simply bcs it is the right thing, absolute terms and no relativity whatsoever, there's no argueing with moral imperatives. You don't do it only if it is done unto you, you don't do it only if the recipient is just, you do it bcs it needs done - and so I did it. I lowered my robust guard, I allowed myself to become momentarily exposed bcs some things do need to be said, some words need to be given a time and space of their own despite pride or perceived vulnerability, some truths have to be honoured before those who stood by us then even if they don't know how to stand by us always.

It is Spring, see, which is my personal Yom Kippur, the time between my birthday and the flowers ahead is when I review my life, when I tie lose ends, when I clean the trunks where the penguins rest, when I aknowledge what must be aknowledged.

We are also the sum of the things we were never brave enough to do and I vowed long ago that I would never allow those to be the most defining bits of me. Actions are prayers too.

And in the name of the bees and the birds and the butterflies, amen.

16 furballs:

Anonymous said...

Happy Spring and Purim Sameach, Dear Lioness!
K.

CarpeDM said...

Yay for Spring! Love, love, love it. Except, of course, today it is snowing. Which is just wrong!

Love you as well! Even more than Spring herself so that is high praise indeed!

Lioness said...

Thanks, K dahling!

Dana, today it is cold and rainy and Spring seems to have changed her feeble little mind. This had better change very VERY soon, I'm desperate! And it's my birthday pahty, it should be sunny and warm!

orodemniades said...

Hallelujah.

Udge said...

/me jumps up and down and hugs the Lioness. This will be a great year for you, prime-number years are always good.

Lioness said...

Oro, tell it, sistah!

Udge, really?? It's a prime number?? YEY! I suppose now it's a good time to re-read Contact and bask in prime loveliness.

Diana said...

Spring is lovely, isn't it? Even if cold and rainy, it's still full of flowers and birds and divine smells.

It's about time.

Lioness said...

Spring that is cold and rainy is barely Spring. Spring is outside cafés and the sun in your face and deep inhaling and bliss, oh the bliss!

Lioness said...

And OH GOOD GOD, did you know there is a second season of Torchwood?? Am about to start watching it, God bless school holidays!

Lioness said...

Crikey, Spike's in it! Of course, he's not Spike anymore and actually looks like a right tosser with the brown hair, he still does the thing with his mouth but it needs peroxyde blonde to fully work. More's the pity.

Lioness said...

AAAAH!!!!!!!! Oh bloody hell, Diana, I won't give it away but talk abt revisitng the old "A man walks into a bar..."!!!

Lioness said...

Oh for pity's sake! Dude... What is this, one sniff of you and they all turn?

Dexter Colt said...

We are also the sum of the things we were never brave enough to do...

I've never really thought about it this way, but you're absolutely correct. We do tend to focus on what is done...but what about what is undone?

A most excellent point you've made. My 37 be the year of the Thunderdome for you.

Lioness said...

Dexter (gah it's bizarre calling you that!), I simply don't want to look back and regret not having done things out of fear. Fear is not a good enough reason for anything really.

You know how much I love the notion of Thunderdome - though I'm hoping this is the year when things quiet down a bit and I won't need quite so much of it!

José said...

humm, humm, pois... é... é, também eu tenho esses sentimentos gratificantes de amadurecimento, de poder ver melhor (ou de todo) os diversos cambiantes da realidade, de maior flexibilidade, de mais fácil aceitação de coisas que antes seriam difíceis de me passar pela garganta.
E depois fica um pequeno, minúsculo cisquitozito, bem, bem lá no fundo, que nos leva a interrogar se se tratará verdadeiramente de amadurecimento ou antes de cansaço, desistência, abandono, conformismo.
E o diabo é que a lucidez leva a que o raio desse cisco esteja bem presente. Mesmo que muito no fundo, mas existente.
What's Thunderdome?

Lioness said...

Ah não, no meu caso é mesmo a minha vontade de não engolir sapos, e de respeitar o Reino dos Fins, é precisamente a minha forma de evitar as dúvidas de que fala e de não deixar pontas por atar. Pontas por atar dão cabo de mim.

O Thunderdome foi um post escrito pelo Dexter Colt na altura em que ainda era o Lord Chimmy em que basicamente dizia que engolir sapos no more mesmo que isso implicasse ir directo à jugular. Pessoalmente sempre achei que o directo à jugular funciona muito bem, e subcrevi inteiramente, claro!