20 December 2007

Wide berth

New (and almost instantaneously old as well) dentist was an absolute twat. She also felt entirely too comfy with me.

The Portuguese are a mellow people you know. We've had an atheist for a President, we show nudity on the telly all the time, we sunbathe topless, we drink wine with meals in front of the children and social services do not take them away. But, and this is a very significant but, and this is also where it becomes rather personal womanly-wise so you may want to save yourself now, vibrators as men replacements are a source of bewilderment to me. In fact, my friend and I were talking abt it just yesterday. Basically, we both agreed that vibrators would be splendid things if they came with a man attached. Basically, we both feel it's better to, how to put it, be stranded altogether than standing by the wreckage of the car holding the carburator, no matter how much it may be spinning on its axis [let's all assume that's what carburators do although I sense not, I do have visions of me opening my car's bonnet and greeting old friends but really, they're delusions technically].

See, I like men. I mean, I really like men. I appreciate them so very much. I like the way they smell, the way they sound, the way they walk, I like their muscles and their breadth and that curve between hip and waist and how they twitch before falling asleep [bewilderment again] and, excedingly, the fact that they have everything where it's supposed to be, even the danglier parts.

So, I am mellow enough and liberal enough and I can't be bothered abt what other people do to each other in bed and other exotic locations but, BUT, if I wanted to get intimate with a symmetrical image of myself I could always hump the mirror and yet I manage to restrain myself. I am not prone to lesbotronic moments, women are not men, do you see. Therefore, having a boob, an ample heavy boob, repeatedly squashed against my face as the dentist repeatedly leaned over, and even relaxed-like positioned on it for quite some time, afforded me no pleasure whatsoever. I am baffled. Yes, I am female as well, boobs, yes, I own two of those - and yet I manage to keep them to myself as far as perfect strangers go [for the most part]. What the bloody hell.

I should have drooled on it.

8 furballs:

orodemniades said...


Also, I concur with the mens.

Udge said...

I'm confused. I fail to imagine how the dentist could be far enough above you to squash a boob against your face yet still able to see into your mouth while working. Is her head on springs? Was she a dwarf?

Or did she do the squashing while taking a break from work, in which case you probably should have drooled :-)

M.Bee said...

Wait, nevermind her gender, did she mean to hit on you?

Lioness said...

Oro, you do? How funny, I thought we were a minority! Eh, probably still are.

Udge, the assistant left early, not that she was missed, she was useless, and so the dentist had to do the suctioning herself and that's when it happened, when she reached for the suction across me and then used it. It is hard work, very tiring, see.

M.Bee, she absolutely didn't. I was just the human version of the operating table, Dr. knows best, is dumb as bricks and doesn't care, patient slightly ceases to be human. I was just an extension of the equipment, I felt, all was allowed. She applied so much pressure against my lips with her hand at times as well that my bottom lip was sore afterwards.

JoeInVegas said...

Looks like it's time to find another dentist. Meanwhile, perhaps I can change to yours? (yes, men, )

neko said...

Were they at least nice boobs?

CarpeDM said...

Oh dear. That's just painful sounding. Not in the least arousing.

Lioness said...

Joe, by all means though I dare say you'd be disappointed. Not too fanciable...

Neko, not at all. Droopy-like obviously.

Dana, I KNOW!