16 November 2007

Sunny side up

Yellows, all. *sob* *insert visceral howling here* I woke up and was greeted by 10ºC (50F for all of you bizarros). Someone please explain to me how I am supposed to continue homeostasis now. We've been having fine, mild weather for so long I'd actually managed to convince myself that we were going to effectively skip Winter this year and OH WHAT A JOY THAT WOULD BE! This rubbish happens every single year and I for one am fed up with it, enough of this bloody cold nonsense, it happened literally overnight and I can't cope with it. Honestly, it's been so lovely, my body cannot handle it. In fact, such has been the weather that just a few weeks ago I had the following conversation with a tall, blonde, blue-eyed, red-faced male in our vet hospital:
Him: Hi, I'm Lars. [shakes my hand vigourously]
Me: Johnny.
Him: I'm an Erasmus student from Norway.
Me: You don't say. And to think that for a moment I mistook you for a Portie!
Him: Really??
Me: You're called Lars, are blonde, blue-eyed, abt 2 meters tall, sporting a peeling sunburn in October and you shook my hand instead of kissing me, not to mention that this conversation is happening in English - yes, you almost fooled me.
Him: You're tall and blue-eyed and blonde yourself. [accusingly]
Me: Yes but you don't see me peeling in October do you. You don't see me on the beach sunbathing in October either, now that's pathognomonic for non-Portiehood
. [bless]
Him: Oh. I see. Well, I'll make sure to kiss you next time, I can get that much right.
Oh honey. Not bad for a 22 year-old or so, not bad at all but what could I possibly do with a 22 year-old? Or, to put it more accurately, what could I possibly do with a 22 year-old that would leave me still feeling good afterwards as well? They're babies!

To make matters worse I left the house scantily clad bcs I didn't realise how horrid it was. I was freezing inside but then I always do, my flat is always a few degrees colder than the outside, and by the time I got to the street and died it was too late to change. My choice of clothes and the schedule I turned out to have today prompted the following conversation on my mobile btwn my conservative rebbetzin and I just a while ago:
Me: Would you rather I arrived late with legs covered or on time with a mini-skirt and tall boots?
Her: Oh Johnny, that's so sweet.
Me: [Eh?] No, seriously, I could go home and change before kabbalat shabbat but I'd arrive late. Or I can arrive on time but with knees and a bit of thigh - abt 4 fingers of it.
Her: It's fine, it's really so sweet of you to check, come on time.
Me: Are you sure?
Her: I'm sure, and you'll look beautiful. [Eh?] Are you coming to morning services at the other synagogue? (ORTHODOX) (WELL, PORTUGUESE ORTHODOX AT ANY RATE, NOT QUITE WHAT YOU MIGHT EXPECT) (BUT STILL)
Me: I probably am, yes.
Her: Be sure not to wear a mini-skirt then.
Gosh, now that would be fun (V., can you picture it?) - and our Rabbi and Rebbetzin kick arse, did you notice? Knees and thigh it is, and if tonight I don't end up looking like this very photo (and yes, that's a fleece blanket and a woolen jumper and woolen slippers):

taken in August when my temperature crashed for no good reason other than night was falling and my hypothalamus is hysterical and Bee herself was wearing a vest and no socks, as normal people are wont to in the Summer, I'll be very surprised.

My feet simply refuse to warm up. [18.30 update: and now my nose is running, my eyes are burning, I have a headache and am cold all over. Brill.]

Winter is ludicrous.

I disapprove.

Saturday update: am sick, shocker isn't it. Also, humungous temperature drop expected, AGAIN, Orange Alert for the whole country - and you do remember we do not have central heating, right? I bloody hate Winter, I do.

8 furballs:

CarpeDM said...

We're at 5 C (thank God, I have a tempature thingy that tells me what it is in Celsius) and that is horrible. It has been absolutely awful here and I am protesting majorly.

It doesn't work, the protesting, but it makes me feel good. And if 10 C is the lowest you get throughout the year, I am so moving to Portugal.

I love your conversations, so much fun!

orodemniades said...

I love cold weather! When it was -35C for a couple of nights last winter I was in heaven. Freaked out by the strange noises the house was making, but still, heaven. And the car started, so it was all good.

I must ask, however, about the couch. Cuz it's really green. Really green. Like, my eyes!! green. What's it like on rainy days?

JoeinVegas said...

Hmmm, four fingers of Johnny's thigh. Even if it isn't tan.
Well, getting cold for us here, only hit 28c yesterday, but supposed to be a little cooler this weekend. No vet school in Vegas though, sorry.

Udge said...

Hot lemon-and-honey drink, plenty of bedrest, avoid drafts, continue to be witty.

(-3°C and snowing, hooray)

M. Bee said...

Oh but there are *so* many things to do with a 22-yr-old! Don't be ageist!
On a weather-related note: it's still in the mid-20s here, but the some of the local femaleoids are sporting boots already. The mind, it boggles. I'm wearing flip-flops until it creeps below 20 C.

Aurelia said...

It's 0C here, and I hate it, I'm digging out my extreme cold weather wear.

Maybe that's what you need? Some very cold weather clothes? Lovely patterned or colored wool tights? Cute but insulated jacket? Anyway, if freezing me can be okay, then you will be as well, somehow, someway sweetie.

Lioness said...

Dana, it's not the lowest we have, depends on where you live but let me reiterate this important fact - NO CENTRAL HEATING ANYWHERE. Makes a tremendous difference.

Oro, you freak, out of my lair now! On the couch - it's a fleece blanket on a white sofa and it doesn't look it but the kitchen is very airy and light and white and it actually looks ab fab IRL.

Joe, it's an unfit thigh, don't even bother. And I hate you, 28ºC is simply perfect.

Udge, you too - out! Cold freaks, you're making me feel ill!

M.bee, I have to be, kindly notice I said nothing I could do with a 22 yo that would still feel good afterwards. It'd be too - blech, no. And I bring out the boots long bfr that too. Am an Israeli at heart.

Aurelia, thanks but insulated clothes are very hard to come by and you practically have to sell your soul to buy them, they're so bloody expensive. Also? No central heating anywhere, had I mentioned it?

Diana said...

You do not have CENTRAL HEATING?

You DO NOT have central heating?

YOU do not have central heating?

Nope. No matter how you accent it, it makes no sense. It may be cold outside, here, but we are warm as toast behind our walls.