26 August 2007


We're watching Torchwood, episode 9. Suddenly, Antony and the Johnsons start playing as part of the soundtrack and I can feel my throat constricting, a lump for a heart, my soul once again ripped ajar, demons loose in the living-room screeching like harpies.

I wish I could one day listen to them without experiencing this, his voice is so pure, so gorgeous, but ever since I found The Lake it is forever tied to Uzi and Uzi will forever be dead so I don't think it will ever happen. I even emailed the bloke that did the animation asking whether there was some way I could buy it, I'm terrified that it will one day be gone from the internet - not that I plan on watching it often, or at all, but I feel better knowing it is there and I'd feel much better knowing it wouldn't suddenly go away too.

But I was unprepared, I was watching Torchwood, TORCHWOOD for fuck's sake, and I wonder when the unexpected stabs of remembrance will stop making me feel like puking, I wonder if they ever will, I think this particular brand of sudden pain will accompany me for the rest of my life.

2 furballs:

Diana said...

Life's a cruel bitch, like that. Not fair ambushing you during your Torchwood lust.

Not fair at all.

Anonymous said...

You would have to brace yourself but if you could manage it, you should listen to I Fell in Love with a Dead Boy, if you haven't already. It's so sad but so beautiful.