28 July 2007

There's a kind of hush

all over the world, LA LA LA LA LA!!! Just so you know, I sang along to the whole song in the car just now at the top of my lungs, windows down, who needs a ghetto blaster. I know it's a naff song but it's so cutely irresistible! And the whole point of this is to tell you, I SANG ALONG TO A SONG! Merrily! I know you'll be pleased to hear it. I know I was. Fuck, it's been a long time.

Today I was out shopping for salads when I realised I kept seeing this bloke. This hot bloke, at that, very tall, dark-haired, lean, broad shoulders. He finally started talking to me and said he was terribly sorry to approach me like that but he'd love to photograph me, especially my face. Brief detour: a few days ago a friend of mine was here with her brand new camera, and she decided she'd practice on me. I kept running away from her bcs I know what I look like when I am photographed, I am perhaps the least photogenic person on earth. You need to take at least 20 pictures of me for 2 or 3 to remotely resemble something chromossomically normal. The results were so horrific she was in hysterics the whole time she saw the pics and kept trying to hide them from me and I was invariably horrified when did I manage to see them. I kept asking her to be honest and tell me if I really, really, REALLY look like that. She said of course I didn't, how could I think so, and I replied I think so bcs that's what I always see, you twat! She promised me I didn't but it's very bad for one's self-esteem. Besides, I had just gone through that with Danny and E., my God, do I photograph horribly, out of a batch of pictures I saved 2, and those unwilllingly, simply bcs of the children. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

So when Hottie actually told me he wanted to photograph my face I heartily laughed in his, I really did, and I know it wasn't very polite and he was visibly puzzled and more than a bit taken aback but yes please, WHY DON'T YOU PHOTOGRAPH MY FACE AND DEPRESS ME SOME MORE. It turns out he is a real photographer and he said my face was so desirable, photographically speaking, precisely bcs it takes skill to bring what he can see IRL onto the photos. Not the most flattering thing on earth, you'll agree - Oh I desperately want to take your picture bcs I am a professional and I know you'll otherwise look like shit. But the worst part was, I knew exactly what he meant bcs well, see above. In the end I thanked him and declined, I hate being in front of a camera and hot or not I didn't know him from Adam and all these men suddenly crawling out of the woodwork are a bit unnerving in my recently-acquired singlehood and cynichood. He asked whether he couldin any way change my mind, I could choose any public place if I felt uncomfortable, he really liked my eyes and my cheekbones and that thing I do with my lips when I'm thinking and the clothes I was wearing were perfect for that slightly hip street look [Dude. A black tank top, cargo trousers, combat-like boots, no make up, hair sloppily up? DUDE.] but HELL NO, I'd rather hang by my uvula from a tree top, so in the end I thanked him and me and my salads scooted away as fast as our little legs could take us. I may yet regret it, maybe I do not look like that after all? But it was surprising and surprisingly flattering and YES, I KNOW, cowardly of me BUT I TOO AM ALLOWED TO BE A COWARD IF I SO CHOSE TOO, RIGHT? [You may yet have to clob me soundly abt the head in the future if I don't beat you to it when I come to my senses - I ran away from a sexy professional photographer who thought I too was hot.] [And he looked Jewish - ha! Quickly, tell me what book this is from.] [Let's never mention my running away again, LALALALA!]

And see, SOME PEOPLE DO NOT FIND ME INTIMIDATING. *self-righteous furball*

All joking aside, some of the things you said in the comments blew my mind truly and verily so I will post abt them, yes I will, but some ruminating needs to be done first. Also, if you don't comment bcs I bore you now [and how I empathise] or you can't be bothered- fine; if you don't comment bcs I scare you [eh] - I really am sorry abt that, that one particular lurking option had never crossed my mind; if you don't comment bcs you're afraid of sounding trite or offending me or you think I don't want to hear from you or you think it won't be deep enough or you respect me too much - oh bollocks. This is me, people, ME. If you read me, if you have been reading me for a while, you know I can write all sorts of rubbish. I wrote a post abt the adorableness of Clippy the Office Assistant once! Is it bcs I once mentioned I was done with reading the classics at a very young age? Don't hold it against me, I was young and precocious and didn't know any better, you think Germinal or the fucking Misérables helped me?? I was traumatised, I CAN ONLY COPE WITH CHICK LIT NOW, SERIOUSLY! I bought a Barbara Delinsky book yesterday in Cascais, honestly! [Granted, I regret it now after having started it. *megaoesophagus* Needed to be said.]

Levity, sarcasm, fluffiness, wry humour and cursing will always be welcome in this blog, and anyone can comment. Really. Even those who have never heard of Kirkgaard. Hey, especially those. Here, have some strong alcohol people, EVERYONE LOSEN UP!

Am going clubbing, btw. Wish me luck, don't even know if I know how to anymore.

5 furballs:

Irina Tsukerman said...

Oh, I'm sure it's going to be fun and you'll find a bunch more of hot Jewish-looking photographers after you! :)

Lord Chimmy said...

You made me LOL a few times in this post. You're so dramatic Lioness. haha.

She said of course I didn't, how could I think so, and I replied I think so bcs that's what I always see, you twat!

That is too funny.

And, this as well,

...HELL NO, I'd rather hang by my uvula from a tree top...

You do have lovely eyes, lips, and cheekbones. Methinks this photographer knew what he was talking about.

Eliyahu said...

when you see the hot photo whiz again, at least have him do a new one for your blog!

Udge said...

Ach, you should have done it! It might do you some good to see a professional's view of yourself.

Did you at least take his business card?

Diana said...

Oh, honey, honey! See, this is where you should have said something to the effect that if you knew him better, you might feel comfortable doing something of the sort....and then he'd ask you out for drinks or something and then you could see if there was something to him aside from his height and slender good looks.

Tcha!

Well, next time.