11 July 2007

The Land of The Brave

Anonymous said...
I can totally understand your pain and your anger. I can even comprehend your need to do passable impressions of King Lear and tear out your hair and inveigh against the gods, and so forth. But really, I don't believe you should be doing this, at least not online. With your intelligence and wit and beauty, you are so very much more than this. It truly is beneath you. Besides, in a little while, when your passions have cooled and he means little more to you than that great trip you once took but have mostly forgotten about, you will look at this and feel sick inside.

Do you see where this starts going terribly wrong immediately? I'm so very happy you took the time, Anon, really I am. See, Anon took great umbrage at this post. First of all, I am in vet school and have attended more than my fair share of castrations so here you go, Anon, have some balls. Maybe I should be charitable - for I am, after all, intelligent, witty and beautiful - and give Anon the benefit of the doubt, surely someone who thus pontificates on someone else's moral conduct meant to leave their name and site link, it is bound to have been an oversight.

You know, nothing makes me angrier than cowardice hiding behind the very best of intentions. Where would you have me tear my hair and so forth, anon? Maybe a long epistle to myself in the isolation of my closet, promptly burnt upon completion lest it bother the innocence of the birds and the bees and the lillies of the valley? This is my blog, Anon, this is my haven, this is where I try to make sense of things that couldn't possibly make sense, ever, this is where I try to hold on to whatever beauty may be left - and my sanity, which is no small matter, this is how I keep from howling. Does this offend your tender sensibilities? Am I to feel edified now? Do you fear it may cause those poor unsuspecting travellers who chance upon my blog to cry out in horror and dismay? I am, after all, intelligent, witty and beautiful and that places me in that blessed minority of people (0.07%) who go through horrors unscathed, elegantly brushing them off their slender shoulders and praising God for having the strength of character never to show the tiniest bit of weakness or pain, never to expose themselves - so distasteful, so very unbecoming, one knows intuitively that intelligent, witty and beautiful people [minor but substantial deities, as we rightly refer to ourselves in private] are above such debasing human behaviour. It would be beneath them.


Is it only going to take a little while then, Anon, for me to cool my passions and forget abt it all? How lovely to be that clarvoyant and certain, how absolutely delightful for you, and how deeply reassuring for me. A great trip I once took and promptly forgot, you say? Much as I am forced to aknowledge your absolute mastery of The Great English Metaphor I am also forced to add that you have no fucking idea what you are talking about and that, frankly, it is beyond me how you can not only spew such rubbish but actually feel entitled to doing it. E. was not some man I shagged in a drunken stupor. Let me assure you that I already feel sick inside and not bcs of him or anything I ever wrote but bcs of you, bcs you presume you can pass judgement on my feelings and my chosen way to express them all the while pretending you mean the best when, in truth, arrogance and condescension drip from every single sentence you wrote. I trusted him and it was all blown to pieces not bcs of our separation but bcs of what happened afterwards and it IS killing me that this is no longer the man I knew, that contempt IS creeping in, that I can no longer respect him as I once learnt to, that I can no longer trust him not to ever hurt me anymore, and it is also killing me that his future actions will, ironically enough, ultimately be an auto-de-fé of our past and everything we once were and whatever good memories I still have of him - and those were legion. I am not so very much more than this, Anon, this is exactly how much I am right now and it is far too much already, this is my pain, my absolute incapacity to understand how anyone can profess to love this much and yet hurt this much, my way to try and digest it bfr I myself die a proteolytic death.


But you totally understand me and I am so grateful I would stand up and speak in tongues this very instant were I not too busy finishing E.'s voodoo doll, it was a bit of a bother scouring the house, it's been a while and pubic hairs are notoriously elusive but no worries, by tomorrow morning his left testicle will have acquired gargatuan proportions and annoyingly bump against his knee with every step he takes thereby affording me great joy as I record it and post it on Youtube, you know how it is.

As I said, Anon, I don't even know who you are bcs you and your courage made sure of that but you must be a highly educated person - v. enveigh against and the King Lear reference (and your deeming my impression of him passable was profoundly touching, us non-native speakers are easy that way) - so I will try to be as polished and refined as you and use my best mediaeval English to kindly entreat you to


Phuck Oph

9 furballs:

Old Bald Helen said...

"Ohhh, that was good, Your Majesty!"

For some reason, your trenchantly appropriate response reminded me of Deborah Kerr's performance of "Shall I Tell You What I Think of You?" in the film version of "The King and I."

You are indeed intelligent, witty, and beautiful, dear Lioness. But please don't forget to add "brilliantly funny" to your resumé. That trait is in even shorter global supply these days.

Carry on!

Manuela said...

Oh, siiiiiiigh.

Honestly... there's ALWAYS going to be some blogger out there who is going to think they are superior than us in some way. We cross some personal boundary that THEY would never deign to pass. We dare speak the unspeakable that we have all thought, or pretended not to think, at one time or another. The fact of the matter is this. If you feel comfortable posting what you post. If you feel that you will not one day regret what you post. If you feel you are honouring your spirit in a meaningful way, by posting what you post. Then you can't let people who feel differently than you, even BOTHER you in the least! Delete, ignore, ban, move-on.

This was a lesson hard-learned for me. I learned the very very hard way that I was NOT, after all, cut out for the occasional public lashings that came my way in response to my painfully honest posts, even in LIGHT of all the positive self-discovery and postive self-sense making that came along with that self-same package.

Regardless of how much I LOATHED and DESPISED those who ultimately outright attacked me. Regardless of how STUPID and simple I believed them to be. They did have one very valid point. We can't expect everyone to have manners and be polite. We either have to just accept the occasional dead fly in our soup... or decide to eat only at home with screens firmly attached to any open windows.

Darling... either decide that these people simply do not matter in light of all the rest of us who know you, love you, admire you (even with the occasional hair-pulling) who support you here whenever possible. OR... OR... take steps to make sure they can't get to you.

Overly simplistic it might well seem. That you have to give up far too much to ensure the latter... but trust me... making the decision one way or another... is infinitely better than wasting your precious energy and wit on such a cowardly 'intellectual'.

Honestly.

Diana said...

Ohhhhhhhhh! It was King Lear that you were doing impressions of!

Gosh. All this time I thought you were conveying the honest pain of someone who's had her vision of someone very close and dear to her shattered.

Stupid me to have missed that.

Thanks to brave, brave anon to have clued me in.

(Oh, anon, that was sarcasm, in case you might have missed it. I've found that the sanctimonious sometimes fail to spot sarcasm. Kiss, kiss.)

Aurelia said...

Anon, you fool...don't you know we will simply ignore you and delete you? Sad...so sad....

Lord Chimmy said...

Singling out bloggers and telling them they need to censor their writing is truly self-righteous behavior. And, to do it anonymously just reeks of cowardice.

I've NEVER had a problem with anything you write. And, nor should you! Good or bad...it is a moment in time, and your life. Wouldn't it be nice if Anon's prognostications were accurate? Why, then all we'd have to do is sit in a corner and wait out our negative feelings!

Or maybe that is just you because of your intelligence, beauty, and wit that you don't need to speak your mind!

Anon, what of us who are unintelligent, unattractive, and witless? Is it agreeable to post our own thoughts in a blog?

Udge said...

Ach, so 'ner verdammte Scheisser schon wieder.

Nice T-shirt, by the way :-)

Lioness said...

Gell?? Aber hallo! Sie koennen mich echt mal.

Oh, and Chimmy - but you're handsome! I've seen your pics, remember? Granted, the bald look - well, least said the better but your behaired self IS handsome. And witty. And intelligent. Silly man.

CarpeDM said...

I sure do love you a lot, you know. And this is just one of the many reasons why.

Lord Chimmy said...

ha! That bald look was a mistake. I had one too many beers and got out my clippers.

And, speaking of pics. When are you going to add more to your Flickr account? Did you remove all your old ones?!