15 June 2007

Maybe moving away???

Am tired and wish I could move away. Problem is, when you do you take everything along so really, what's the point. Still, wouldn't it be lovely to be able to just wipe all of him from my life? *Swoop*

Blech.

Reproduction exam on Monday and all I've been able to do is dream of how nice it would be if I could just lie down and have the cows and the sheep and the goats and the pigs just trample me and take it all away, maybe then oblivion would come. I risk failing this year if I don't buck up, I am trying so hard to buck up but nothing's happenned so far and I don't have time for this, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. I miss the rage, I felt crazy but this feels crazier and I don't see it changing soon and it must, it must, there's no escape anywhere, deep enough to drown. I ate yesterday but it didn't sit too well and today all I feel is nausea, nausea everywhere. Loyalty can never be fickle, how can it turn out to be this fickle then?

10 furballs:

nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez said...

when i go back to a certain town i lived in where my mother still lives, i remember why i had to leave. each bend in the road, each bridge, each field, each town, each turn, each horizon, each gas station, even, is filled with ghosts. i can hear a million voices in my head, and see a thousand lonely days when i am there.

sometimes we just have to get away.

Orodemniades said...

I'm so sorry this is happening right now. And yes, I think that if getting away is what you need to do, than you should do it.

Having said that, is there any chance you could get out of town for a couple of days?

Diana said...

It's good to think on moving. Hell, it may be good to actually move, but is there a way you can take off for a month or so, go somewhere and see if you need to move or if you just needed a break?

Either way, you know I support what you do.

Lioness said...

Exams. Exams, exams and more exams. Till the 27th of July. Timing couldn't be worse. I want to vanish and since I can't moving sounds brilliant. Next best thing.

Aurelia said...

Well, I get why you want to move, but I'm not sure it will help because by the time you transfer and move, you may not feel so badly, and it will all be for naught.

Anyway, keep going even with nausea, and get some food. Try to keep slogging through, and studying.

Anonymous said...

Come to California to visit. I've got a cat that looks just like Hum-Hum and a home office you can sleep in. And did I mention that it's damned hot here?

But seriously, dear one, I've just sent you a long email with my thoughts about fleeing and grieving. And I'm carrying a shard of your grief around with me all the time, wishing I had a way to help you heal.

CarpeDM said...

Hey! We have cows here! In Minnesota. Because there are dairy farms and stuff. You could come here. I mean, granted, you're not going to want to stay here in the winter but still...and there are also buffalo! I've seen them.

brooksba said...

I don't know about moving, but I know DM and I would love to have you come visit (and if you wanted to stay, that's a bonus!). The summer is nice here. It really is.

Thinking of you sweetie.

Orodemniades said...

Hey, we got cows in Vermont, too! And in Southern VT we're only (driving):

3 hours from Boston
3 hours from Montreal
5 hours from New York City
6 hours from Quebec City
8 hours from Toronto
14 hours from Chicago

!!

cat said...

If you come to the states... oh my gawd!!!! we could like meet and stuff!!

*sarcastic smile*


None of the shit you are going through is fair... none of it will hurt as much in the future. Until then shake your fist at the sky and do what you need to. If that entails moving your behind to a place far away from the hurt, so be it. May you rest easy wherever you land Lioness.

*big squishy internet hugs*