10 June 2007

Da Lioness is back!

It's time. That last post needed to come down. I hit the bottom, took one fine look around and decided it wasn't worth it. It really isn't. I deserve better.

I refuse to keep feeling like this. A friend emailed me a poem, and part of it said: However painful truth persists. It does. And the truth is, E. did love me in his way I suppose but his way is not mine. This is not how I'd ever choose to be loved.

Funny thing this is, my relationship ends and what really hurts me abt it is what happens afterwards. Our relationship was not satisfactory and hadn't been for a long time, it was time it was laid to rest. The betrayal of trust is a different matter and will remain hard to accept until the day I wake up and realise I've stopped caring and it can't be too far away bcs I know me, I have gone through exactly the same thing with a friend, the very same. It was years ago and it broke me in half, she was like a sister. But here I am, see me?

Eh. It may be a shame for the memories that are lost in the process, ours was a pretty love story in the beginning (though aren't they all) but taint is taint and I'm unforgiving when it comes to loyalty and it is my bloody right to expect from those I allowed in exactly as much loyalty as I show them, always, regardless of circumstances. In life pain is unavoidable suffering is optional, yes? I choose not to suffer anymore. At the end of the day, someone not deserving of my trust is not deserving of my grief.

Lionesses ALWAYS land on their feet. Pass the raw meat.

-------------------------------------------------------
And if I hadn't been a twat and saved it as a draft you'd have been able to witness my return a couple of hours sooner - hi dahlings! *waves madly*

7 furballs:

Manuela said...

Isn't it the Lioness that actually does all the hard work, and doesn't the Lion mostly just roar, and strut, and lie about looking regal when not annoyed by the little minions that are his cubs? Yes, I'm sure I'm remembering this correctly, the Lioness hunts, and provides, and basically... you know... makes the life of the leisurely lion POSSIBLE.

Bloodyhell. The Lioness might have the tougher go of it, but don't tell me she doesn't have the more IMPORTANT, the more FULFILLING of the roles. Certainly she doesn't hide in her den crying over that disloyal proud LION. Nope... because when push comes to shove it's HER that is the stronger of the two.

Would you like rack of zebra or filet of giselle??

Udge said...

Good. Welcome back, dear goddess. You do deserve better, much better.

Udge said...

filet of giselle

If a vegetarian is someone who eats vegetables, what is a humanitarian? © T. Pratchett

(sorry Manuela, I couldn't resist)

brooksba said...

I cannot believe I'm about to say this, but "You Go Girl!" The choice to not grieve is a hard one and while it is a choice, I know there will still be a few bumps, but you're on the right track. Keep pushing forward.

I admire you. You are truly an amazing person and you put me at awe. I love that you're choosing to not let this take over anymore.

bastet said...

*Stabs cow*

Diana said...

"At the end of the day, someone not deserving of my trust is not deserving of my grief."

This, THIS! is the best line of all. Welcome back among the laughter, dahling. We've missed you terribly.

CarpeDM said...

Yay! Welcome back. I'm carving up the raw cow as we speak. Okay, no, blech. Raw?